"Alabama: Who says education is important?" "Alabama: What Mason Dixon line?" "Alabama: Teef? Don't need to teef to eat grits" "Alaska: Keep warm by sodomizing a moose!" "Alaska: Eskimo!" "Alaska: Yeah, it's cold, smartass." "Arizona: Come see our big fucking hole in the ground!" "Arizona: almost hot enough for Bil Keane" "Arizona: Not a Major Target for a Nuclear Attack" "Arkansas: Heh heh heh" "Arkansas: Like Kansas, but with more heterosexual oral sex." "California: [sound of someone sucking dick]" "California: Got an orifice? Any orifice will do." "California: No accountants allowed." "California: 95 percent of Mexico lives here!" "California: Trying to legaly change our name to Californicate" "California: Habla Espaņol....No habla Inglis." "California: It's like one big live-action porno movie!" "California: Just tell a blond that you're a producer and watch them undress" "Colorado: Because inbreeding isn't restricted to the South." "Colorado: Did we mention Denver is really far above sea level?" "Colorado: We Have Less Psycho Folks Than Mon...(bang bang bang!)...never mind." "Colorado: Home of the most privatly owned heavily armed fortresses than any other state." "Colorado: Don't let the word "color" in our name fool you." "Colorado: We're trying to pass the same cattle-sex laws as Montana, so be patient." "Connecticut: We anagram more anatomy slurs than any other state!" "Connecticut: Where more New Yorkers escape the minorities" "Delaware: No, we're not a real state." "Delaware: Hey! We look phallic!" "Florida: Hey you kids! Get outa my yard, gahddamit! "Florida: Who SAYS you can't hump an alligator?" "Florida: Doesn't it look like we're pissing on Cuba?" "Florida: Yeah, we look like a big dick. We can sense your jealousy." "Florida: Admit it, you always have wanted to live in a state shaped like a giant's penis." "Florida: Our Giant Animated Mouse makes the perfect bait for Tourist Skeet Shooting" "Georgia: Who are we kidding, anyway?" "Georgia: Millions of residents; ten distinct bloodlines." "Georgia: To us, Deliverance was a work of nonfiction!" "Hawaii: You raped our ancestors and now we rape your wallet" "Hawaii: Avoiding motto jokes for 25 years!" "Hawaii: Lei us." "Idaho: Yes, We Look Like a Lava Lamp Warming Up." 'Idaho: Famous Potatoes" "Illinois: Dammit, the S is silent, okay?!!" "Illinois: We're on a mission from God." "Illinois: Keeping the illusion that Abraham Lincoln was actually born here going for over 130 years" "Indiana: Um....Bobby Knight, Jim Davis and John Mellencamp live here?" "Iowa: Lots of people fucking corn..." "Iowa: Millions of residents, FIVE distinct bloodlines" "Kansas: Driving through our state, you'll begin to WISH you could say the famous line from Wizard of Oz, but no, there'll just be MORE boring scenery." "Kentucky: Copyright 1995" "Kentucky: Bourbon, Chicken, Hatfields, McCoys" "Kentucky: HYUCK, HYUCK, HYUCK! (spittt!)" "Louisiana: Hoo sez we kant spel?" "Lousiana: Got tits?" "Maine: No, there's no Castle Rock!" "Maine: Bangor. Bangor! Ha! Get it? BANGOR? BANG HER? Good God, we're some clever sonsofbitches." "Maine: Umm... Lobsters?" "Maine: Home to cannibalistic, evil clowns and Castle Rock!" "Maine: Actually one out of every two of our small towns house horrible evil secret. Can you find out which?" "Maryland: We can kick Rhode Island's ass" "Maryland: Trust me, you'd really miss us if we sank into Chesapeake Bay." "Maryland: Damn bland" "Massachusetts: There's a reason we got rid of Maine, y'know" "Massachusetts: Like we'd tell you plebes our fucking motto" "Michigan: it's grrrrrrreat!" "Michigan: We'd rather be shaped like an extended middle finger!" "Minnesota: Our polititians can beat your polititians!" "Minnesota: We ain't got time to vote." "Minnesota: We winter in Alaska for the warmth" "Minnesota: Hey, we'll elect damn near ANYBODY!" "Minnesota : We're ready to rumble, *rumble*, RUMBLE!" "Minnesota: Beautiful and gr...hey, we just noticed....our name looks kina like 'mini soda.' Pretty damned cool, huh?" "Mississippi: Hell, most of our residents can't even spell it...." "Missouri: Ok, for chrissakes stop showing us THAT" "Montana: There's a reason we fuck sheep on cliffs." "Montana: Hey, at least we're not Colorado." "Montana: Where it's legal to fuck cattle". "Nebraska: Where you can look out and see the back of your own head!" "Nebraska: The circus has been here twice." "Nebraska: Got Wheat?" "Nebraska: Lots and lots of fucking corn...." "Nebraska: Where you don't WANT to know how the word cornhusker originated!" "Nevada: Psst....hey.....wanna play some craps?" "Nevada: Where everything is damn near legal! Even murder!" "Nevada: Got Whores?" "Nevada: Ever wanted to kill a man just to watch him die?" "New Hampshire: Twice as good as old Hampshire" "New Hampshire: Come up and see our, um, red and yellow leaves!" "New Hampshire: Now up to five teeth a piece!" "New Jersey: You're both right! It's a beach *AND* a medical waste dump!" "New Jersey: Eventually, we're going to get tired of the fucking jokes. Don't you guys know that we're heavily armed?" "New Jersey: Hey, fuck you too." "New Jersey: The asshole of the United States of America". "New Mexico: Where all the Old Mexicans run off to" "New Mexico: Like Old Mexico, but with 15% less actual Mexicans!" "New York: Yeah, we're REALLY embarrassed by New Jersey" "New York: Hey, fuck a motto. You got a fucking problem with our lack of a fucking motto, asshole?" "New York: We Got Your Motto *Right Here*!" "North Carolina: Can we get a different name?" "North Dakota: Kind of like South Dakota, but a little further North." "North Dakota: Help! I'm the only one who lives here!" "Ohio: Our biggest cash crop is Strip Malls!" "Ohio: More exciting than it sounds!" "Oklahoma More cow pies than people!" "Oregon: Does it EVER stop raining?!!" "Pennsylvania: Heck, we even got people living in the stone age!" "Pennsylvania: Almost as scary as Transylvania, but with more Amish!" "Puerto Rico: 12% of Americans Want Us Left Out So The Flag Doesn't Look 'Funny'." "Puerto Rico: Fuck statehood... where's our subsidy?" "Rhode Island: Yeah, Yeah, We Know. Fuck You." "Rhode Island: Don't blink or you'll miss the whole thing!" "South Carolina: Millions of people are waiting for it freeze here so that beautiful women will sleep with them." "South Carolina: Well, what do you EXPECT from a state that has Strom Thurmond as a senator?????" "South Dakota: Nobody really lives here. We're just a big joke." "South Dakota: Hey, someone DOES live up there? no shit..." "South Dakota: Kind of like North Dakota, but a little further south." "Tennessee: Our residents have less trouble spelling our state's name than Mississippi's have spelling theirs." "Tennessee: Our state was a title for a rap song... like we'd ever listen to that kind of music here" "Tennessee: Home of Al and Tipper Gore. Wait, nevermind. Forget we said that." "Tennessee: Dollywood AND Graceland...what more culture do y'all need?" "Texas: Fuck New York City. WE know how to make salsa!" "Texas: Still haven't acknowledged Alaska!" "Texas: Rope the wild cattle, then fuck them!" Texas: What a big fucking state! "Utah: Home of the Great Salt Lake, and....here, have The Book of Mormon. Now, where were we?" "Vermont: Home of beautif...what? Yes, yes, YES, we have goddamned maple syrup, okay?" "Vermont: Even WE don't know where our capital is!" "Vermont: Don't make fun of us, or else no more Cherry Garcia for you!" "Virginia: Heheh...virgin...right, sure...." "Washington: Where it rains for 365 straight days!" "Washington: For the last time, No we don't have D.C. in our name!" "Washington: Keeping the Canadians in line." "Washington DC: Like you could come up with a joke better than our residents" "Washington DC: More clowns per square mile than Barnum & Bailey!" "West Virginia: You'll believe the movie 'Deliverance' is real here!" "West Virginia: Lookie! We spelt ur nayme!" "West Virginia: You got a purty mouth" "Wisconson: We got da cheese!" "Wyoming: Hey, it could be worse, we COULD be Colorado" "Wyoming: Where it's legal to fuck cattle and beat gays to death NEAR cattle".