I work in a sub shop. NOT A DELI, a sub shop. It falls more under the category of fast food. Anyway, this involves customers. If you don't know already, the key of all fast food is: All customers are idiots. Sorry to offend you if you patronize fast food places, but YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Here's an example. When you make a sub for someone, it's customary to ask "Everything on that?" This way, I can delete any items they do not want, makes it easier. Anyway, a woman orders her sub, right? I ask "Everything on that?" I get a blank stare. I reiterate "Everything on that?" Blank stare. I say "Miss?" and she replies "Oh, everything on it." I would've spit in that sub if I had the chance.

Alright, WHY THE FUCK MUST HOT WOMEN WEAR THE TIGHTEST CLOTHES THEY CAN FIND?!?!?! AAAARRRGHH!!!! A girl comes in today, wearing THE tightest pants, with an ass carved by the gods. WHAT A TEASE!!! That "look but don't touch" gig. It's so rude!!! And when they come in with a BOYFRIEND? That's when a shotgun is in order. Jeez.

Ever see a customer flip out because you don't have tomatoes? HOOO, boy. That's a sight. We ran out of tomatoes late one night, which we were getting more early next morning. Anyway, I make a sub, and a woman requests tomatoes. I tell her "Sorry, we don't have any tomatoes." She replied "You DON'T have any tomatoes?" The expression on her face and the tone of her voice were exactly the same as "You SHOT my cat??" OH, God forbid we should run out of tomatoes!!! Stop the world, THIS FUCKING WOMAN WANTS TOMATOES!

This one's a funny one. Probably funnier to me, but thought I'd share. A little chinese man came in the other day and ordered a sub. One of my bosses made it and asked "Everything on that?" The little chinese man asked real sharply "Awww, yes, do you hahve ALFALFA?" My boss had to turn around to smile and refrain from laughing. Just picture that in your head with the voice and everything. Hee hee hee. OK, before you send me hate mail for that one, don't take me as a racist or anything, but c'mon, as an American, anything said in a chinese accent is funny. It just is.

We have 2 doors in the front. There's a Carvel to the right of us. Well, some guy, obviously wasted, walks through the left door, only to find it's not Carvel. He walks through the second door, yet again, disappointed he's not in Carvel. If I reacted faster, I would've said, "Welcome to Carvel! We sell subs now!"

OK, there's 2 tables and 4 chairs outside of our shop. At the end of the night it's custom to bring the tables inside so no one steals them, sensible reason. Well, a woman and her children were eating Carvel ice cream and sitting at one table. I took the unused table inside and she gave me this EVIL look, like "Try and take this table and I'll break your face." I should've tried. I love causing a scene, especially when it isn't me doing it.

When was the last time YOU were riding with your boss to work, listening to Rob Zombie? It's weird, lemme tell ya.

On our menu, we have #1, #2 & #3, all subs with their respected meats and cheeses. #4 is labelled "The Italian Super Sub", and right next to it, PLAIN AS DAY, it says "#1, #2, #3 COMBINED". I swear, every buttfucking day, we get a genius that comes in and asks "Yeah, what's on the Italian Super Sub?" 1, 2, AND 3 COMINBED, ASSHOLE!!!

Alright, I hate it enough when people underestimate me, but when they underestimate my sub dressing skills? Oooh man. I can't STAND when somebody says "Just a little lettuce on that...THAT'S GOOD!" They just cut me off right in the middle of making it, and of course, decide to do that with every fucking topping. I almost snapped and yelled "HERE! I'LL PUT ON THIS MUCH LETTUCE & ONIONS, AND YOU CAN TAKE OFF WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU DON'T WANT!" People. Feh.

A woman called up today and asked if we have buffalo wings. BUFFALO WINGS!? What the FUCK? The place is called "Just Subs". Not "Bubba's House of Assorted Meats". Idiot.

This guy keeps coming in, asking for to-mah-toes on his sub. He's got a normal Northern American accent, and says TO-MAH-TOES. Who the hell is this guy trying to impress?

Ever make a cheesesteak with onions, peppers, ketchup, tomato sauce and olives? Well, that's what some shmuck ordered. He's lucky I didn't serve a nice helping of puke on it. Eck.

I haven't quit my job yet, so there will be more rants. Oh yes...