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The Shmuck!

The CheeseMaster`s Home Page That's right. Welcome to the end of the internet. THE END!!! THE END OF THE INTERNET!!! Why the steel in the background? NO more sites are beyond mine! This is the restaurant at the end of the universe, boys and girls! But then why do I have links, you ask? Just because you've found the end of the internet, doesn't mean you've found everything on the internet. The links are to send you back to all the great spots on the internet you missed!! Anyway, in case you're wondering, the above is my web page mascot, "The Shmuck". At one point, people were able to find out if they were a Shmuck was well. If you'd like to know who, or if you've taken the once Shmuck Quiz, then check out the Shmuck hall of Fame. Annoyed by the MIDI in the background? TOUGH! You can't turn it off! MUHUWHAHA!!! What's worse, it CHANGES everytime you visit! However, if you don't hear the music, download Crescendo for best results. Until then, enjoy your visit at The End of The Internet.

End of The Internet fun fact: the intro to this web site you just read hasn't been changed since the birth of "The End of The Internet". Oh, wait, I added the part about the MIDI being annoying last year. Nevermind.


This is the first time I've even updated this page in exactly one year! WOOHOO! Yeah, I've been internet-free for most of this year due to my computer breaking down. But, I'm back, and am here to change... nothing! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! HA HA HA!

But seriously, folks. You'd figure that in a year I'd have some massive update, right? Well, no. All that I've done with this update is make this stupid News Section and deleted the link to my old Paradise guestbook. Apparently, they just deleted all the entries I had in there from way back in the day. Oh well. Also, I lost my account at Erols AND at Marijuana.com, so any e-mail address links anywhere on this site that point to "powrtoch@erols.com" or "Keith@marijuana.com", just manually type in "IHaveNoSpam@aol.com" and replace "Spam" with "Muffler". I'm too lazy to find all of them and change them.

--The CheeseMaster, 11/22/00

But wait, THERE'S MORE! I actually did give this page something a big update. I cut all the crap that I felt was old and unnecessary and did a bit of editing and cleaning up here and there. All this was only done on this particular page, but I'm sure I'll get around to fixing up the others sometime.

Oh, and by the way, the counter on the initial index page has been reset several times. I've actually genuinely had well over 5,000 unique hits to this web site over the years. Which ain't bad for some two-bit personal web site on Tripod.

--The CheeseMaster, 11/30/00

I'm alive! And still kickin'! What you see, I can't see. And maybe... you'll think before you speak.

--The CheeseMaster, 12/11/01
(Oh yes. The future is now.)

No big updates yet. Don't hold your breath waiting for one, either. It's not often I make it onto the 'net these days. I was thinking of reducing this home page and organizing everything into seperate pages with a catalog of links, but decided against it. The reason this is all right here in your face is to save the trouble of clicking link-after-link, when in reality who gives that much of a crap to go out of their way to read this madness? Any links to my other pages on here are for those who show genuine interest in The E.O.T.I.

On the other hand, my life seems to be constantly changing each week. The 2 biggest things going for me right now is my first-born coming in a month and my band finally starting to move forward. We recently replaced our singer with someone much better and are ready to take New Jersey by storm. The band's named "Fusion," although we've been known as "Eternal" since September of 2000. Check us out on web site (also written by yours truly).

--The CheeseMaster, 9/09/02

Newest and final update: I've decided to abandon this web site once and for all. I've been approaching this decision for quite some time now (we're talkin' years). I started this site to have my own little niche in internet history, just as a completely non-serious project to exhibit my unorthodox methods of entertainment. In it's time, it was a nifty little site with enough content to kill a couple hours if you really needed to. I had a small burst of popularity when the Mahir craze came around, seeing that I decided to combine that trend with an older internet trend of "So-and-so ate my balls". Kinda stupid, but it was fun while it lasted.

So, yeah, I'm leaving this site intact as a relic. Also, I lost touch with a lot of people over the years and for some this is their only way to know I'm still alive and kickin'. This site was born when I was 14, programmed from scratch by learning HTML through tutorials online. I'm now almost 23, have a son, have no interest in maintaining a web page and am trying to get on track as a musician. I'm no longer in the band previously mentioned, I'm currently playing with a leviathan of talent known as The Manhattan Project.

It's been a great nine years, with a ton of memories and loads of fun. "The Shmuck Quiz" had a great run for a while and I actually had a handful of people write to me and request it's resurrection. But this is the end, my friend. The end of the end of the internet. After I finish typing this, I will not update this site ever again. The only thing that might happen is it gets completely removed and replaced with a page redirecting you to elsewhere. Special thanks to Tripod for allowing me to do this insanity for almost a decade. On the other hand, an anti-thanks to Tripod for all the obnoxious popups and ads from the start and for changing their website EVERY FUCKING WEEK to something way more complicated and convoluted than it's predecessor. If you want to get in touch with me, the best place to reach me is TMPspamsucksBassist@aolfuckingblowsatblockingspam.compost (Remove the "spamsucks", "fuckingblowsatblockingspam" and "post" to actually e-mail me). I love you all.

--Keith R. Reilly Sr., a.k.a. "The CheeseMaster", 1/24/05

What IS...The End of The Internet?

I used to have a guestbook entry giving a half-assed explanation of that question. Until I actually thought about it.

The End of The Internet is much more than you think. It recently occurred to me that this web site is among the last of a dying breed. I created a web page known as "Keith Reilly's Web Page of Infinite Stupidity" well over three years ago. It shortly thereafter evolved into "The End of The Internet". This spawned two more pages (both maintained by close friends of mine) known as The Beginning of The Internet and The Middle of The Internet. Both pages were basically abandoned, and this is the only one of the three that stands as of now. It grew over the years, with more bells and whistles. It has become what it is today.

Now, with that short history of the site aside, allow me to explain why The End of The Internet is much more meaningful than it seems. It started in a time when having a personal web page was somewhat of a novelty. It was your place on the World Wide Web, and it was the only connection between you and millions upon millions of people all over the world who do not know you. Tripod and Geocities were new, and the concept of free web space appealed to me as well as a whole slew of others. When I found out Tripod was giving out 100 kilobytes of free space online, I thought "Whoooa, Nellie! Gotta get me some of that!"

Some pages went on to their own domains, only to acheive international acclaim or perpetual bashing. Sometimes both. Sometimes neither. Some web sites died almost immediately, regardless of the attention it received. This web page has lasted throughout all of this. I refuse to pay to remove the pop-up banners, as it would go against the principle of which this site is based on.

This web site is the epitome of an endangered species of web pages. In it's time, it had all the makings of an above-average personal web site. JavaScript, forms, an imagemap, a guestbook, downloadable items, chat, you name it. Even frames at one point. All this from some schlub in New Jersey who started programming HTML as a hobby. I refuse to assimilate to the ways of most web pages nowadays, which is either poorly executed HTML with some flashing lights and a shitload of errors, or something user-friendly for everyone, maintaining one whole theme, also with flashing lights and a shitload of errors. You won't find web pages like this anymore. It's an archive of what the internet used to be. It's a stand against everything new and "innovative". The pop-up ads, the background MIDI you can't shut off, the JavaScript, it will forever remain here. Those that are bothered by such things have most likely been around the World Wide Web long enough to know that it seems rather trite. For those that are newer, they are experiencing what the internet used to be.

It's ironic that the title to this web page was sort of a premonition... because in my eyes, it's the end of the internet as I know it. Thank you for enduring this rambling, and goodnight.

--Keith R. Reilly, a.k.a. The CheeseMaster

While we're on the subject, what does "The CheeseMaster" mean?

I dunno. Just the first thing that popped in my head when I first signed up with Tripod. Took the theme and ran with it, that sorta thing.


If you aren't aware of Mahir Mania, then you're missing out! After finding out about it and looking at homage sites, I decided to make one of my own... with a twist! If you aren't aware of Mahir Mania, then maybe you're aware of the Ate My Balls fad. Well, enough talk. See for yourself.

The Shlemiel of Approval
This site has the Shlemiel of Approval.

Got a web site? Know someone who does? Perhaps you're eligible for this coveted award!



CheeseScape Navigator!!
An Imagemap, just as good as links

Behold!! The Internet's smallest graphic!!(Magnified 100 Times)A black dot, whoop de shit.


A green blob
Above picture courtesy of Tricia Wojcik. By the way, while I'm doing my final update here, if you are Tricia Wojcik or know how to get in touch with her, please contact me immediately. I lost touch with her years ago and I miss her dearly. She was a great friend and the first person I ever cared about. If you're reading this, Trish, I miss you and love you. E-mail me! (see "E.O.T.I." updates above).

You know it.

You love it.

Now sign it.


  And Your Witness Protection Program Name is...

  E-mail Address....NOW!

  Got a home page? WHERE?

  What do you call this "homepage" of yours?

  Where the hell are you from?

How in the hell did you find me?

Check here if you would like this to be a private message! (Like a Shmuck)


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Answer me this: How was this whole "end of the internet" experience?

Current Results

Got a comment? Suggestion? Gripe?
Just replace the "Spam" with "Bassist" and I'll actually get the message.

Here's some more links for your viewing pleasure. Quite outdated.

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Rage Against The Machine
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The Dysfunctional Family Circus

The Dysfunctional Family Circus is no longer. R.I.P., Uncle Roy.
To see the antics the regulars of #spinnwebe have pulled off, continue on. (P.S.: I'm K-Man.)

This home page was last updated: 1/24/05 (The final update. Thanks for everything, folks!)